Princess Party Redux

April 27, 2009 - One Response

The Princess Party has come and gone and Ruby is none the worse for wear.  Despite the omnipresent generic princess decor, Ruby has yet to ask to be saved from any dragons (although she does need rescuing from the occasional uncooperative button).

Pretty Passive Posing Princess Pastry<br>(yes, that's a cake)

Pretty Passive Posing Princess Pink Pastry (yes, that's a cake)

Ruby chose to dress in her bee costume (her other option was ladybug) and she was the only non-princess among the half-dozen girls.  But crinoline and satin bodices notwithstanding, it was about what you’d expect from a gather of three- and four-year-olds: chasing, screaming, stickers, face painting, and juice boxes.  Ruby made the most of being a bee among the lilies of the kingdom and spent her time chasing everyone around.  She didn’t seem to mind that she was the only non-princess among the girls.  The fact is, I really wasn’t worried so much what she would think — it was the parents I was worried about, and what they’d think of the dork who brought his kid in a bee costume to the princess party.

Which brings us to the best part of the whole experience: spending time with Ruby’s classmates and their parents.  I only get to make a very brief appearance at Ruby’s school once per week before rushing off to catch a bus, and so I don’t get much opportunity to chat with the parents or get to know them or their kids.  But Ruby is going to be spending lots of time around these people for the next few years, and she’ll be invited to more birthdays, playdates, and the like.  It was good for me to have some pleasant conversations with several of the parents and get to know them a bit better.

The Bee Gets A Bee

The Bee Gets A Bee

p.s. The decor (princess decals strewn about the house) and a Princess Pageant Castle Cake did confirm my earlier conception of the Princess meme (or at least the way it is marketed).  These ladies do nothing but stand around — can’t one of the them hop on a horse, pull out a book, or even, you know, walk somewhere?  Even a model’s strut would be a step up from the static subvervient pose these princesses present.

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Pretty Pretty Papa Princess

April 22, 2009 - One Response

It was bound to happy sooner or later. Try as we might to shield Ruby from the infectious outside world, we knew that eventually she’d be exposed.  Sending her to preschool only increased the odds, and now, finally, it has happened:  she’s been invited to a Disney Princess Birthday Party.

original by flickr user PinkMoose

original by flickr user PinkMoose

Kate and I both anti-princessification, for reasons I’ve mentioned before. Looking at the cheap invitation (printed at home, not Officially Licensed Merchandise) a whole new objection sprang to mind: they’re posers.  Literally — all they do is pose.  They’ve been stripped of their original, entertaining and worthwhile myths and stand inactive and vacant. Instead of watching their actions, you should just watch them…  as they do nothing.  Added to our original objections over the cultural appropriation, incessant marketing, pressure to conform, and rigid gender roles and segregation, and you can guess how we want to RSVP.

But ultimately, we decided she should go. These are friends she sees at school every day and it’s good for her to also see them outside of school.  And she’ll be exposed to the princess culture whether we like it or not, so at least one of us can go along and frame her experience in ways that we think are important.

Still, we’re not going down without a fight.  And so, gender roles and pretty princesses be damned, it is I who will be escorting Ruby to the Disney Princess Birthday Party. I won’t be surprised if I’m the only non-related adult male in attendance.

Actually, I’m kind of looking forward to it. Ruby is just starting to learn how to play with (instead of alongside) her peers and it’s a pleasure to watch her social skills develop. I don’t get many opportunities to watch her play with her schoolmates — complete strangers (to me) she’s developed complex personal relationships with. It’s fascinating to see her trying to flex her leadership muscles, or be polite and kind, or be totally socially oblivious.

I’m sure Ruby will have fun, and I’ll do my best around the grown-ups, and this little foray into the world of princesses will soon be forgotten amidst our summer of swimming and building and jumping and thinking.

Oh, and the invitation encourages children to wear costumes. Do you think Princess Ladybug will work?

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Gotcha Politics

September 20, 2008 - One Response

This blog post (which made it onto boingboing today) was the last straw for me.  It takes Microsoft to task for using a Macintosh to create their latest “I’m a PC” ad campaign.  There’s no discussion of the content of the ads.  Just a quick mention of a meaningless point of embarrassment.  Gotcha!

There’s too much of this going on in the wider world of the media today.  Instead of discussing content, background, and nuance, everyone is on the hunt for the latest misstep.  It’s not just that these gotchas are meaningless distractions.  The media’s focus on the embarrassment instead of the content means the target will be quick to cover their tracks, wave a hand around the subject, and move on.  Any opportunities for further debate are lost.

Here’s an example: last week, while major financial institutions were going belly up, McCain stated that the “fundamentals of our economy are very strong”.  His opponents immediately picked up on the contrast. McCain was forced to offer up some pablum about how the American worker is the foundation of the American economy.

And that was that.

McCain looks a little silly for a while, but we’re really no closer to understanding how he really feels about economics, market regulation, and other important topics that are pushing to the forefront in this election.  What about consumer culture?  The burden of debt and trade deficits?  The ongoing shift away from a manufacturing economy?  How are these affecting the long-term stability of the American and global economies, and what kinds of activities should government be taking in each of these areas?  An opportunity for real debate and understanding was lost because everyone was too eager to yell “Gotcha!”

There are plenty of examples of these kinds of empty mistakes, and they’ve had varying impacts.  Howard Dean’s over-exuberance in the 2004 campaign appeared to destroy his campaign because he was… too enthusiastic?  During a recent interview, Obama spoke about his “Muslim faith” (quickly corrected to “Christian”), and I’m sure the right-wing media enjoyed chewing up that little sound bite.
I don’t expect the media at large to be able to step away from their pursuit of the latest misstep, no matter who makes it.  We are living in a sound-bite culture, and major media conglomerates need to do what they can to feed into their audience’s attention span.  It’s only going to get worse as the news cycle continues to accelerate and audiences continue to fragment, and I don’t have any grand solutions to offer here.

But I can ask my friends to take a step back.  Take a breath.  The next time you see someone on the other side of the debate make a mistake, don’t pounce.  Don’t base a gleeful blog post on a single misspoken phrase.  Instead, dig.  Ask questions and keep digging.  Look for the actual truth behind the misstep, and you might find even more powerful arguments to make your case.

Categorized in politics
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Swimming Lessons

July 29, 2008 - Comments Off

Ruby and I are spending every Tuesday this summer down at the Green Lake pool, taking a half-hour swim class. While Mama is off playing racquetball, we get to bob and bond among the splashing toddlers.

Ruby can’t swim, of course, but she’s getting more comfortable in the water.  She generally hangs onto me as we wander around the pool (Ruby occasionally shouting “Ride the Papa!”).  On the second day, though, something incredible happened: she let go!

She was hanging on to a water noodle at the time, her arms draped over the top for buoyancy. For just a second or two she panicked as she drifted away, kicking madly, but then she realized that she could do it by herself! A light went on and she broke out in a big grin. She was swimming by herself!  She spun around a few times, getting the hang of things, and then, legs thrashing under the water, started making some progress towards her destination.
I was incredibly proud and happy. Not just proud of the physical feat, but happy to have gotten a chance to see that moment of doubt turn into a moment of triumph.

During and after the swim class I told Ruby how proud I was.  It was also gratifying to see that she responded to my statements of pride as well — that she was happy to hear how proud I was.

Since then she’s continued to swim around on the noodle by herself. Every time she climbs on her legs start kicking wildly and she turns away from me to explore the pool on her own. Of course, she doesn’t get very far — she’s not very fast. We have also done a class with a lifejacket and had a similar, but better result: now, Ruby could use her hands as well as her legs to slowly thrash around the pool.

As an added bonus, now that she’s on the noodle I can use it to give her some gentle dunks in the water. I lift her up slightly, just a few inches, and her momentum then carries her down under the water. But she kicks her legs and hangs onto the noodle, and quickly comes bobbing to the surface, a big grin on her face.

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Tweetgeist

April 25, 2008 - Comments Off

FIRST

Tweetgeist (n) [from "zeitgeist", german, the intellectual and cultural climate of an era; and "tweet", to post a message on twitter.com]: The collected and distilled wisdom of one’s circle of advisors, as compiled via the “twitter” internet application.

Example: I’m not sure if that restaurant is any good; let me check the tweetgeist.

As of the time of this post, Google returns 0 hits for tweetgeist. Let’s see what happens…

[update 11:15am]: 1 hour later, there is 1 hit (this page).

[update 11:18am]: Tweetgeist.com was taken back in January. Hmph.

Categorized in technology
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Trust and Failure

April 13, 2008 - Comments Off

Earlier this month, the NY Sun published an article by Lenore Skenazy, a woman who let her nine-year-old son ride the bus home from Manhattan, unaccompanied, as an exercise in building confidence and independence. She was subsequently labeled the worst mom in the world.

I’m totally in support of her goal to break us out of the deer-in-headlights state of fear that so many parents fall into: “Children are precious. The world is scary. We must protect them at all costs…”

Except, of course, that we shouldn’t protect them at all costs. That’s a conscious choice I made when Ruby was born: that I would not do everything in my power to make her happy, comfortable, and safe. She will, for the most part, be given a relatively luxurious life (globally and historically speaking) but she’ll also be given the opportunity to fall off the monkey bars, trip on the sidewalk, embarrass herself, fail, and have her heart broken a few times.

I don’t wish these on her, and my heart will be broken every time hers is. But I also understand the importance of letting her choose and take her own risks so that she can truly appreciate the consequences of her failure and her successes. When she wants to, and when we think she’s ready, we’ll let her take the bus home too. And of course we’ll sit anxiously on the porch awaiting her arrival. But that anxiousness is the price we pay for the joy of parenting the best way we can.

[Ms. Skenazy now has a blog devoted to this subject: Free Range Kids]

Categorized in parenting
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“Good Job”

March 27, 2008 - Comments Off

A friendly tip to all the restaurant workers out there: do not congratulate me on my ability to eat your restaurant’s food.

This is a rare occurrence, thankfully, but it’s still a pet peeve of mine.  I’m a fast and thorough eater, and once in a while a waiter while make some “clever” off-handed comment about how I cleaned the plate.  “Good job”, or “you must have enjoyed that” or something similar.

My reaction to these kinds of comments is not to flush with pride; I am not a four-year-old beaming at his parents’ attention.  No, I’m an adult who is now embarrassed by your comment.  Yes, literally embarrassed to have enjoyed your restaurant’s food.  Should I have eaten less?  Left a token half-potato for the kitchen staff to marvel at?

Do your customers usually leave their plates half full?

Categorized in food
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That Other Guy

March 20, 2008 - Comments Off

Jazz Hands!
Originally uploaded by Espressobuzz

Kate and I both performed at the Salon of Shame last Tuesday. I sang a song I wrote in 11th grade for a girl I had a crush on. I did sing this song to the girl in question, and she thought it was nice, but claims she didn’t realize it was about her.

Loneliness is a state of mind
Where you can’t see nothing ‘Cause your heart is blind
And all it is that I can see
Is the way that sometimes she smiles at me

In that smile is there a longin’
Does she wish to someone else she was belongin’
Does she wish she was here with me?
Does she know that I can set her free?

Sometimes I wonder if she really knows
And I wish that there was more that I could show
But I have to keep it all inside
Cause you are with… that other guy

Categorized in Uncategorized
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Think Small

March 12, 2008 - Comments Off

A college student wrote in to Picnik asking for general advice about how to create a similar project for school.  After reminding him that we’ve had a team of people working on Picnik for several years, and tossing a few book recommendations his way, I closed with this advice:

Overall I think the best way to start is to have an interesting, compelling vision for what you want to create, and then throw away as much as possible until you’re down to the absolute smallest thing you can deliver that would make sense.  It’s easy (too easy!) to add features, but removing unnecessary complexity after the fact can be nearly impossible. Think small! Version 2 (or 3) is usually a complete rewrite anyway.

Categorized in technology
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Courtesy Among Men

February 27, 2008 - 2 Responses

Every weekday morning, around 9:30am, most of the office gets up and walks down the block to our usual espresso joint for coffee and tea. We pass through several doors on the way out, and again on the way in, and being the mature, courteous men that we are, we’ll hold the doors open for each other. The first person to reach the door will generally hold it for the rest of us to walk through.

You can imagine, then, what was passing through my mind yesterday morning as we filed out the building, nodding our thanks to the door-holder, after reading this about Ken Hutcherson, pastor at Antioch Bible Church in Kirkland:

[One Sunday] Hutcherson was preaching on gender roles. During his sermon, Hutcherson stated, “God hates soft men” and “God hates effeminate men.” Hutcherson went on to say, “If I was in a drugstore and some guy opened the door for me, I’d rip his arm off and beat him with the wet end.”

Hutcherson’s arrogant, opportunistic bigotry is well-known and I’m saddened, but not surprised, by his hatefulness. What is shocking, though, is that he preaches such violence at church. His message is so counter to my understanding of Christianity it borders on blasphemy. How is he tolerated in the Christian community?

I’m an atheist. I have thought long and hard, and with as much humility as I can muster, about religion and its place in my life and the world around me. I’ve also considered the place of religion in the lives of my family and friends. I have been inspired by the passionate joy of my friends’ faith and the quiet humility of their service. My views about faith are continually challenged by the compassionate, intelligent beliefs of my family and friends. Their diverse beliefs motivate my quest for understanding, keep me asking questions, and keep me humble.

When I hear about someone like Ken Hutcherson, though, I’m filled with smug righteousness. Thank god I’m not a believer like him.

Categorized in religion
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